Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want them to.
Sometimes people hurt us, and we let them, even though we don’t want them to.
Sometimes we look back on a moment months, years later, and wish we had a time machine so we could change the way things happened.
Though our instructors claimed the time machine was out of order, they did a very good job of immitating it. We had to choose a scenario involving someone familiar, in which we felt threatened or uncomfortable, or something we wished we could write a new ending for.
I chose a time when I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine. I was uncomfortable with the topic and told him I did not want to talk about it. He didn’t listen to me. He insisted on continuing with the conversation I really did not want to have. And for some reason, I went with it. The end result was me, covered in my own tears and shaking from crying so much, tring to force myself into an uneasy sleep.
So in last week’s class, I chose to relive that conversation. My instructor posed as my friend, and he said all the same things my friend did, almost word for word. At first I was uncomfortable. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it, and he didn’t listen. He insisted on it. He kept pushing me. But this time, when I said no, a dozen strong, female voices said it with me. No, shouted. I was not alone. I was not overreacting. I was right, and a whole roomfull of people were going to back me up. In the end, he was on the floor, out cold, and I was on my feet, strong, free, and victorious.
In my mind, I put the incident behind me. Because this time, I won. This time, I did it right.